Your baby is HUGE!. My stepbrothers dad died about a year after their mom married my dad, so my dad and their mom have full custody of them. Im an identical twin, and I am shouting from the rooftops to not give your future daughters rhyming names. Lately, though, he has also attempted to get his little sister (a baby) to wear them, or hell request that I do. Discuss this column in the Slate Parenting Facebook group! I want to teach him that its OK to have big feelings, to cry, to really love things that boys arent stereotypically into, but I also dont want to raise him with unrealistic/sexist views about love. Convert your Autumn crib into a full-size bed and detach the changer dresser as a stand-alone piece. Discuss this column in the Slate Parenting Facebook group! Its because all she sees is an angry child whos headed down a bad path and needs serious help NOW. Hes a 5-year-old who misses his friends and school. You said that he would do anything for you and your kids, right? Is it inappropriate of me to take her to Morgans funeral as a learning experience. Sometimes its in response to little things, like a line for the bathroom or a movie she likes being taken off Netflix, other times its a reaction to more major setbacks, like not getting the grade she wants on a test or not making a sports team. Nelson's Column had gone and there would be no outcry, because there was no one left to make an outcry. Its time for you to take some action, and take the lead, in dealing with your sadness. Im pretty sure I am overreacting, but I still dont know if I should discourage him or not. Conversation in general isnt easy for me, so I dont enjoy phone calls. WhichI am just guessing heremight also be the case. My Ex Wants Us to Vacation Like One, Big, Happy Family. My Daughter-in-Law Is Blowing Up Over the Tiniest Little Thing. And each day we get drama and fighting because he doesnt see the point to doing anything other than simply being quizzed on the words. Her mom and I have been divorced for 10 years and her mom believes whatever my daughter wants, she should get. ), is just an impossible, unsustainable situation for your kid. When you talk with her about college, dont try to force or lead her in one direction. Still, I worry that when someone hears a lie over and over, a person can start to believe it is true. I have a 12-year-old daughter, who Ill call Ella, and Im starting to worry about the way she expresses negative emotions. Then we just stopped reacting to it hoping that would stop it. All rights reserved. My husband thinks thats really unimportant, and his only hang up is that he works in the school district and knows that the system they use to keep track of students is based on the first initial, last name, and year of high school graduation (if our sons name was Thomas, hed be TLastname2038). Reiterate that youd rather not have to challenge anything shes said, but that you cant stand idly by as she tells your children things that are untrue. I told him I just wanted them to have a couple of hours out of the house and obviously the baby hadnt been THAT hungry if he kept refusing bottles. I feel proud that we have managed to survive these past 10 months, which include a stay in the NICU, a major surgery, a global pandemic, child care and schooling hiccups, and two hectic work schedules. Yesterday, one of my stepbrothers and the older of my half sisters told me that they were really scared that Dad was going to die soon. Not to use a popular buzz phrase, but your role in this is to provide psychological safety and reassure him that everything will be OK, because it will be. Edgy content focused on teens and kids can easily cause trouble. Id suggest family therapy if I had any faith it would work, but Im sure at this point they just need to burn the relationship down and start over. You can still be respectful of your ex as you confront some of her claims about you. I can say this honestly and without bias. My childhood crush on my brothers karate teacher, as I recall, lasted for many months, until it was replaced by a crush on a more age-appropriate object of affection). He gagged and spit up. So why doesnt that include getting help for his anger and behavioral issues? I have met this friend-of-a-friend at a few parties, but we have never been very close, and I have never interacted with the brother. (Im not saying this is fair. Im just saying they may be doing the best they can under very difficult circumstances. Care and Feeding is Slate's parenting advice column. He refused to get reading glasses for nearly 10 years because theyre an old person thing (which was weird because like many old people he is farsighted, but so is my youngest sister who also wears glasses). I Despise My In-Laws. And how do we support him as he struggles? But, in general, that "demand" is coming from a little one. Photo by SvetaOrlova/iStock/Getty Images Plus. Have a question for Care and Feeding? My Daughter-in-Law Is Blowing Up Over the Tiniest Little Thing. Her life will be just fine if being called beautiful is her biggest problem. Close the door. I dont want to ask my kids What did your mom say about me this week? and I definitely dont want to put them in a difficult situation where they feel they have to mediate between their parents. Ill say this as kindly as possible: Assuming she doesnt have any major physical or mental illnesses/disorders, your daughter and her kids have to go. Al, from Monroe, Connecticut "I'm a single dad to three boys, and I have been alone with them for seven years. Some days wont be so great, and youll get up the next day and take another shot at it. Submit it here or post it in the Slate Parenting Facebook group. Have a question for Care and Feeding? How does one deal with a co-parent/ex who regularly lies about, badmouths, and generally undermines the other parent? What are parents of bisexual teens supposed to do about sleepovers? Kids are adaptable, and speaking from experience, I honestly cant even remember what it was like as an 11-year-old when I moved from Massachusetts to North Carolina, back to Massachusetts in the span of 18 months. 10. My mother-in-law moved in with us in August, for the foreseeable future, and my partner and I have noticed that she treats the 5-year-old differently than she did the others at the same age, especially when it comes to discipline. Probably the most important thing is youre almost 65 years old. Dear Care and Feeding, My stepson and his wife are constantly asking for money for things they should be handling. If you cant manage a phone conversation, I would put your thoughts in a letter. My Ex Wants Us to Vacation Like One, Big, Happy Family. Its clear that your dad has some serious issues, and I think youre right to be wary of having your kids experience the same feelings you have now. This isnt unique or new, and I think you could be overthinking all of this. And Cleo Levin, makes much of our special. Every day that you take care of your family and love them and worry for them and get silly with them, youll be doing it, bit by bit. But even my wife, who is so adamant, isnt sure about how to address this with her mother. I hate my sister-in-law. Let your husband and son spend time with them without you. Now hes dropping F-bombs constantly. The thing is, I have very little contact with my daughters. No, Im sorry. Theyre each individually nice people, but they are absolutely TERRIBLE together. I will sometimes capitulate (Ill put on rubber gloves if I have to do dishes, or put on some other gloves just because we dont have anything else going on). He asks for privacy when he does, and I say sure. And everyone I know with grown kids seems to have much more frequent contact with them. Slate is published by The Slate Group, a Graham Holdings Company. Explain that you know its difficult for them to hear these things about you and that you dont want them to be caught in the drama between you and your ex, but that you have no choice but to defend yourself. As a baseline, lets stop comparing our relationships to our kids with anyone elses. For my sake, how can I get them to do this? I have a good relationship with both kids, who are now teenagers, and I know that they take most of what their mom says with a big grain of salt. The windows are of crystal; the tables are partly of gold, partly of amethyst, and the columns supporting the tables are partly of ivory, partly of amethyst. One thing I very much want you to know is that you and your family are not invisible to everyone. Additionally, you should enlist a friend or family member to stand by your side when you talk to him in person so you have that extra support. Submit your questions about parenting and family life here. I cant say exactly what will feel right for you, what will allow you to move forward without denying your feelings or your fears. Submit it here or post it in the Slate Parenting Facebook group. All contents 2023 The Slate Group LLC. Slate is published by The Slate Group, a Graham Holdings Company. Ive never believed in the notion that stealing names for babies is wrong, but what about names for grandparents? 87 Years After Nazis Stole My Grandfathers Citizenship, Germany Had an Offer for Me. Moving is hard, but in the middle of a school year seems especially tough. Submit it here or post it in the Slate Parenting Facebook group. Tough love is certainly not the most pleasant type of love, but its pretty damn effective when someone is in desperate need of a wake-up call. My ex and I used to have a co-parenting agreement in which we both agreed to bring any parenting concerns directly to the other co-parent, but she never really followed that. Dear Care and. If you missed Mondays column,read it here. Discuss this column in theSlate Parenting Facebook group! This is the time when you should travel, engage in hobbies, chill out, or do whatever the heck your heart desires as you enter the latter stages of life. A collection of ask Amy, dear Abby & similar style letters/ advice columns. I am 100 percent certain that this dynamic existed long before you entered the family. I will pay the deductible. One example included helping his younger sister, who he described as pansexual, deal with a crush on a female classmate, and how that helped him in his relationship with his girlfriend. I would prefer she choose the state school. Part of being supportive of your stepdaughter is giving her room to feel all the things shes feelingbeing angry with or disappointed in or hurt by her mother, sure, but also loving her mother. All contents 2023 The Slate Group LLC. Care and Feeding is Slates parenting advice column. Hes a loving man so she stays and I understand how tough that would be. He had frequent outbursts, consisting of yelling and swearing. My husband is obviously hurt by this, but he doesnt like to talk about it. Care and Feedingis Slate'sparenting advicecolumn. I figured if he was hungry and didnt have his mother around as an option, hed do better with the second one later. Have a question for Care and Feeding? (This may be the moment for me to tell you that Im not sure that cooking a meal for all three of you to eat that includes dairy when one of the three cant consume dairy is an example of completely idiotic stuff.). I would cry, avoid, and hed eventually apologize and say hed try harder. How To Do It. Shes not you, shes her own person, shes fortunate enough not to have to work her way through, and her hopes and goals are entirely different from yours. My youngest daughter is 10 months old andat her birthwas diagnosed with a very rare genetic disorder that brings with it a wide range of physical and intellectual disabilities. And if she does mean what shes saying, I want to be able to help her. Slate now has four advice columns Care and Feeding, for parenting advice; Dear Prudence, for general relationship/being-a-human questions; How to Do It, for sex advice; and Beast Mode, for advice about pets. Care and Feeding is Slate's parenting advice column. You know the saying that you can lead a horse to water, but you cant make it drink? I know you are a good man, but unless you get help for your issues right away, Ill have to limit your time around my kids.. I know families have trouble with names all the time, but Ive never heard of a situation like ours. Nicole Cliffe is a freelance writer who pens Slate's parenting advice column, "Care and Feeding," and was the co-founder of the now-defunct site The Toast. Photo by Getty Images Plus. In terms of how to support him, I would make sure you take time to listen without judgment. I really do try to be neutral about the whole thingI dont want him to be ashamed of this quirkbut maybe he is picking up on my own unease about it? He likes gloveslet him play with gloves. Ive heard testimony from numerous twins that this is not a good idea because it makes it harder for them to create an identity. But your obligation to your 5-year-old child, to his mental and emotional health and well-being, outweighs your obligation to a grown adulteven a parent. It Was Surreal to Accept It. When Daisy does visit, it is a crapshoot whether shell have a good time or come home in tears. Care and Feeding Care and Feeding is Slate's The trickif trick is the word for itis to find something that works for both the parent and the now-grown kid. You do not know bestnot when it comes to someone elses child. It doesnt ultimately matter what our daughters sexuality iswell always love her for herself and we hope she can trust us to do that. I dont know where asking for privacy comes from (is this something he hears you or others say, which he may be imitating? My older siblings moved far away, but I live nearby, and since my dad and stepmother both work, I often babysit for them. 3 Beds. Ask him to use headphones while he works or watches TV or listens to music while you are with your therapist. I have an 8-year-old son who is really, really smart but really, really stubborn. There are two new voices behind Care and Feeding, Slate's parenting advice column, who are going to offer a wide range of guidance to curious and concerned parents. Example: They are teaching students to do math a certain way, but he can do it in his head, so Whats the point of doing it like that if I can just do it and get the right answer my way? Same thing with spelling. Submit your questions about parenting and family life here. Though Im sure youve given this some thought, let me remind you that you can take your ex to court to try and force her into mediation. Whether or not her mom overindulges her, wanting to pick which college she goes to and where she lives hardly makes your daughter a spoiled brat. Have a question for Care and Feeding? When he does the work, hes lazy, resents having to do multiple steps on things, and doesnt follow directions well. Now youve moved from nice guy status to pushover with no end in sight. Uh, No Thanks. And you didnt do that. If so, I would do whatever it takes to figure out what that is. My therapist thought I had some depression and I think she was right. Not only is there no reason for him to be ashamed of this quirk, theres also no reason for you to take it so seriously. Tell your children that you only want for them to have a great relationship with both of their parents and that you would not go out of your way to challenge their mother unless you absolutely had to, which in this case, you do. My Ex Wants Us to Vacation Like One, Big, Happy Family. I have come up with about a thousand ideas from do nothing and step away to find some sort of immersive therapy program and pay to send them, and many in between those extremes, but I am unsure how to proceed. Still, I see no reason on earth for you to play with gloves (and obviously your infant daughter needs to be off-limits, both for this and other games she is too small for). Shes had obvious crushes on people of all sorts throughout her life, from her buff neighbor, captain of her schools mens hockey team, to her eye doctors female receptionist intern to her best friends older brother. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Where do we go from here? Weve always had a guess about her sexuality though. I will point out that not giving your 7-year-old unlimited access to all the books he can technically read doesnt necessarily make you a book censor, or mean that you think those books or authors are without merit. I went to school, played sports, met new people, and figured it all out without any catastrophes. Ill wait. She feels controlled and trapped. And as you know (because youre on your third kid now), its just going to be a work in progress. Sometimes people who are hurting arent their best selves? But I'm the One Crying: "I haven't breathed a word to my. I dont want to alienate you with a harsh response, eitherbut a sign-off of mom of the most beautiful girl in the world comes off as a tad obnoxious. Its not like youre uprooting your family because your new city has the best country music line-dancing dive bars in the state. I know I need to go back into therapy, but Im home all the time now with my husband and I dont have the freedom and privacy to talk that this would require. Go find your husband and make sure hes sitting down with you while you read this. Well-intentioned friends make comments like, Wow! Photo illustration by Slate. I honestly dont know. How Do I Get Them to Back Off? Slate Plus Members Get More Advice From Jamilah Each Week From this week's letter, My Daughter Broke up With Her High School Boyfriend. navajo blanket seat covers; is tecno phantom x waterproof; slate advice columns care and feeding She picks out all her own clothes, and as long as shes comfortable and weather appropriate, we support her eclectic style. How do I set up a happy life for my family while Im secretly harboring such anger and resentment? I dont know what her inappropriate discipline looks like, but if she has ever struck your 5-year-old, of course you shouldnt allow her to be around him. How can I be a supportive figure in her life and not alienate her from a relationship with her biological mom? Ive asked Ella a few times about whether shes serious when she says these things, and she acts like Im the weird one for worrying that she might actually be suicidal! Reclaim your life and sanity by putting your foot down today. This may also help give you confidence around speaking with your dad. I am intimately familiar with trying to replace she doesnt want to talk to me with shes busy, and I learned a long time agolong before I had a grown-up daughter, back when I was the grown-up daughter and my father wouldnt think twice about sending me the sort of link (if hed known how to send a link) you sent your kidthat if you want to have a good relationship with adult children, you should assume competency and never offer advice unless asked for it. Lately, I have been teaching my 6-year old daughter about death and grieving. Even visits to the pediatrician were sad and depressing. They have insurance so the basement restoration will happen. Uh, No Thanks. I dont want them to see me as a burden. He was raised by his great grandparents and when they passed three years ago, my son-in-law inherited that house, where all 4 had been living. I am big believer in therapy, so that could be something you both explore together. ); some people have contact sporadically. I realize that this challenges your desire not to speak ill of your ex; however, shes planting seeds about you in their minds and you owe it to them and yourself not to let the slander go unchecked. I dont think this is going to change and I am bereft about it. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Image Credit: James Gardiner Collection via Flickr Creative Commons. As for how you build and nourish a good, happy life for your children, youre already working on that. And you should project yourself right out of this equation. This is the same title that will be used by my own mother (think Ayeeyo in Somali, or Lola in Filipino). Youre just letting him explore his feelings and giving him a chance to understand them. To be honest, I cant tell for sure. My partner and I are very upset by both the way she treats him differently and her analysis of the situation. Ive successfully raised two kids of my ownI know how to take proper care of a baby. While the columnist tries to talk the distressed relative off the ledge with words of calm just back away slowly . I think you do have to get back into therapy. My dad is in his 60s now and is starting to deal with a lot of the consequences of his age. Hes been sneaky about it too, suggesting names like Isabelle and Eleanor, before suggesting we give them the nicknames Belle and Elle. Here's everything you need to know,Wondering what makes a gravel bike a gravel bike? Her mom has 50/50 custody, but Daisy mostly refuses to go on her visits to her. Here's the lowdown

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